Blogs

A long-standing invention, the telephone has been around in some form for many, many years. Early versions of the telephone, however, thought to have appeared only a few hundred years into man's existence, worked very differently to those we store in our underwear today. Then telephones used the human mouth as a mouthpiece, and the human ear to pick up its signals. Range was also a lot shorter. Truly, the days when everything was in black and white and that were considerably different to how we live today. School finished 10 minutes later, Mars bars were 3 and sixpence, and some other stuff. Mate.

Shut up. Yes I know it isn't Wednesday but I fucking am going to kill several people quite shortly.

You see that cunt over there? I'm gonna kill him. I will use all my pent up barbaric rage and quite literally rip him to shreds. Then, unfortunately, I shall become berserk and uncontrollable and kill everyone at work. That's roughly 700 people. Minus holidays and illness. They're the lucky ones.

Once I've killed all the people at work, whether I know them or not, I am going to drive really fast into reception area and hopefully cause several Pouns worth of damage. Then I shall get out of the car. Realise that I've taken one of the work pool cars by mistake. I will then laugh and laugh and laugh, get into my real car and drive away, feeling much happier about myself and life in general.

Samuel Pepys - "Cup" (1845)

Oh noble cup,

How I hold thee in front of me,

thy overfloweth with water - the essence of life,

and do lots of other stuff too and thats

The common cup. If there's one word you think of when you think of the cup, it's - yep, you're way ahead of me - it's versatility. From holding liquids, to holding other kinds of liquids (as long as they're non-corrosive), the cup can do it all.

Although its most common use today is for holding liquid, it can be a little hard to believe now, but when the cup was first invented in the late 15th century, it wasn't used for such things. It was mainly used for the alternatives listed above.

A controversial addition to the cup in the 19th century was that of the "handle", or "loop". Baffling Rocket Surgeons for one century(s), its purpose is still unclear, but its appearance on the typical commoner's common cup, common. The loop was at one time believed - by many - to be an anti-war symbol. Arguments over the significance of the loop flared up during the late 1930s. With Polish politicians believing the loop to represent a "loop", tempers were flared when Andrew Hitler of Germany disagreed, citing the aforementioned anti-war symbol theory as its true meaning. Andy's subsequent decision to decare war on The Polish Isles was pivotal to the outbreak of World Wars Part 2 - Andrew Strikes Back.

The cup is also famous for its ability to contain text (and sometimes pictures!) on its body. From "World's Greatest Dad" to "World's Stealthiest Rapist", the possibilities for words of any language (except Portuguese) to be displayed upon't are almost limitless.

Today is Wednesday.

Therefore, like all Wednesdays, I went out and shot some people. It's a mid-week thing. If I don't shoot at least 7 people, of varying races, genders and religions (I don't like to be prejudiced), then I go mad and end up going on a killing spree. So I have to kill a few to save a few more.

Then I went home and fed the dog. He loves me, my dog. Especially since I feed him on only the most succulent of morsels. Thighs, mostly.

Today I shut up for a bit.

Then I went to the library. Where I had to shut up for a bit.

Now I'm back at work. I told someone to shut up.

Earlier, an old lady asked me for directions to the post office. I told her to shut up.