The Story Of Gypsum

GYPSUM! Where would we be without it? For thousands of years mankind has lived alongside this strange and wonderful substance, and nowadays it's hard to imagine life without it. From cars to computers, toasters to dialysis machines, it's no wonder that gypsum is known affectionately throughout the world as the "friend of man".

But where does this mysterious substance come from? How does it get onto your plate, or into your ear? Come with us now on an exciting and wonderful journey through THE STORY OF GYPSUM.

Gypsum begins it's life in a very far away place. In fact, it's not even on planet Earth. Raw, natural gypsum can only be found on Callisto, one of the moons of the planet Jupiter. Here, deep underground exists a mineral called Ur-Gypsum. For over five thousand years brave men have travelled to Callisto to work as space miners and extract the Ur-Gypsum. It's hard work, but when they know that the prize is precious Gypsum then it all becomes worthwhile.

Each cargo of Ur-Gypsum is transported to Earth using giant nuclear powered space barges in a journey that takes at least 5 years. Upon arrival the Ur-Gypsum is loaded onto special secure trains and taken to the Gypsum Processing Laboratory deep in the heart of the Amazon Jungle.

Although the vast majority of the gypsum gets through to the lab, there are criminal gangs at work, stealing the Ur-Gypsum from the trains and selling it on the black market. Did you know that in places like Leeds or Redditch, an ounce of illegal gypsum can have a street value of over £15?

Upon arrival at the lab, a team of the World's best scientists get to work, crafting and refining the Ur-Gypsum in a process that can take up to 3 months. Finally, at the end of the procedure, the Ur-Gypsum is passed through the digestive system of an angry squirrel. This is the final step on the road to creating Gypsum.

A vast distribution network carries the Gypsum to all corners of the world, where it has been enjoyed by families since the dawn of civilisation. So next time you're tucking into a bowl of delicious Gypsum, spare a thought for all the brave people who have given their lives to bring it to you.

GYPSUM! Without it, we'd probably be dead!

COMING SOON: THE ASTOUNDING TALE OF BISMUTH