A Complete Guide To James Bond

Hey guys, here's my Expert's Guide to the exciting new James Bond franchise that's sweeping the world! Hope you enjoy it, and remember I probably know more about James Bond than anyone else because I'm an expert! Like P said to James Bond once, 'You were only supposed to blow the fucking doors off!'

#0: Casino Royale (The Original)

The ORIGINAL (not the new REMAKE, guys!) version of Casino Royale. It wasn't an official James Bond 007 film but it should be in this list anyway as a useful historical document.

#1: Dr. No

"Do you expect me to talk!"
"No Mr Bond 007, because I am Dr. No and answer everything in the negative. That's my gimmick!"

#2: From Russia with Love

The old saying goes "First the worst, second the best" I think this applies to James Bond films except there's more than 2 of them and every one keeps getting better what do you think!

#3: Goldfinger

I like it when the fat scots man says 'I farted', that is my best memory of this film. How about you guys!

#4: Thunderball

This is a really cool film with the exploding volcano and Pierce Brosnan running away from the lava and spectacular special effects, although they look rubbish on the TV. You should try to catch it at the cinema if it's still on!

#5: You Only Live Twice

The title of this film might be a lie, my rabbit died and I'm still waiting for it to live twice. She smells of rotting but I love her more every day. I can't wait for her to live twice! What do you think about the theory of reincarnation, which the film is based around?

#6: On Her Majesty's Secret Service

This never happened to the other fella this never happened to the other fella this never happened to the other fella

This film is the best for me because James Bond gets married and I love a happy ending!!!

#7: Diamonds Are Forever

This one features Sean Connery as James Bond's dad! I think James Bond is still on his honeymoon from the last film or something.

#8: Live And Let Die

What do you think about this film? I don't really watch James Bond films so I can't comment.

#9: The Man With The Golden Gun

This film is great because it was the inspiration for the Dreamcast game 'Goldeneye' which is one of my favourite games EVER because it has a golden gun in it which kills people with one shot! It's also got Odd Job in it who evades capture by shuffling around on the floor on his knees because everyone knows that tall old James Bond 007 can't shoot downwards!

#10: The Spy Who Loved Me

Making more than twice as much money at the box office as its predcessor, this film was a total failure because it was released in 1977 when Star Wars (v1) was released. To be honest Star Wars was a much better film because James Bond doesn't have spaceships in it, apart from the one set in space which does have that.

#11: Moonraker

Gnash! Gnash! Don't worry guys I haven't gone mad! I'm gnashing my teeth as if they were made out of metal! Gnash! This was the highest-grossing James Bond 007 film yet, and remained the highest-grossing one until Goldeneye came out - which means it is the best!

#12: For Your Eyes Only

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY features mythical beasts which only James Bond 007 can see, and he has to kill them because they are FOR HIS EYES ONLY so nobody else can do anything about it!

#12.5: Never Say Never Again

This one doesn't count as a Bond film for some reason. I think it's because Bond wees in a man's eyes.

#13: Octopussy

This features Roger Moore playing James Bond's dad! The title is a bit rude so my dad wouldn't let me watch it.

#14: A View To A Kill

My dad says he saw Roger Moore getting into a fight outside Barnados in Cardiff, but I didn't believe him. Features Christopher Walker as the headless horseman! It's pretty scary!

#15: The Living Daylights

I tried to watch this one at Christmas but my mum got ill from eating too much turkey. I think it might have been because she drank 9 gin and tonics but she says it was the turkey. Anyway we had to take her to hospital to get her stomach pumped so I missed it. Mum says you can get alcohol poisoning from turkey because of the cranberry sauce.

#16: License To Kill

John Peterson tackles the legal system after his daughter is killed in a drink driving accident caused by successful businessman, Tom Fiske.

#17: GoldenEye

It's like goldfinger, where that guy turns things to gold with his fingers, but in this one he's been mutated (they got the idea from X-Men) and anything he looks at turns to gold! He has to be careful not to blink otherwise his eyelids turn to gold and he has to have them surgically removed again.

The highlight is when he looks at the sun and it turns to gold and crashes into the car park outside his secret lair.

#18: Tomorrow Never Dies

Bill Murray stars as James Bond, and he can't get to tomorrow until he sleeps with loads of women and saves that kid from falling from that tree.

"You never say thank you!"

#19: The World Is Not Enough

The theme tune is the best ever because it's by Garbage and even though they are called Garbage they are not rubbish! They are BRILLIANT! I can't remember who is in this one, I think it's got Sean Bean in it and he gets drunk and has to sleep in a park where James Bond 007 finds him and turns him into a crime-fighting Yorkshire drunkard. Brilliant!

#20: Die Another Day Die Another Day is the twentieth James Bond film made by EON Productions and the fourth and final film to star Pierce Brosnan as Ian Fleming's James Bond. It was released in 2002 and produced by Bond veterans Michael G. Wilson and Barbara Broccoli. It is the first film not to feature Desmond Llewelyn as Q since Live and Let Die (1973) due to his death in December of 1999.

Die Another Day, being the twentieth Bond film and also being released the year of the Bond film franchise's "40th Anniversary," pays homage in some sort of way to every previous official James Bond film [1]. It also additionally references several Fleming novels as well as novels by other official Bond authors.

The film opens with Bond infiltrating the organization of Colonel Tan-Sun Moon, a North Korean army officer who is illegally selling military weaponry in exchange for African conflict diamonds. Bond is betrayed by an agency mole, resulting in a massive shootout/chase around the area. Colonel Moon is apparently killed after falling over a waterfall, and Bond is captured by the North Korean military, where he is tortured for fourteen months. Disavowed by his superiors upon his release, Bond sets out to find the mole on his own. His search eventually leads to billionaire businessman Gustav Graves, who is actually Colonel Moon surgically altered via gene therapy. (The film's title, Die Another Day, refers to Colonel Moon surviving his first encounter with 007. Upon meeting him later in the film Bond comments, "So you lived to die another day.")

Graves' scheme, reminiscent of Diamonds Are Forever, Moonraker and GoldenEye, involves the construction of Icarus, an orbital mirror system made of diamonds that will supposedly focus solar energy on a small area to light the Arctic nights and, if the investment goes well with buyers, provide year-round sunshine for crop development. In truth the orbital mirror system is actually a superweapon designed to clear a path through the minefield in the demilitarized zone that separates North Korea from South Korea. North Korea would be able to invade South Korea, Japan, and other surrounding nations. Icarus would also be used to defend North Korea while it invades, by destroying any ballistic missile or nuclear warhead fired on North Korea or their troops, thus foiling any large scale retaliation from their enemies.

Bond, with the aid of NSA agent Jinx (played by Halle Berry), defeats Gustav Graves, whose other major techno-toy is an exoskeleton equipped with a high-voltage electric weapon, and prevents global catastrophe. Frost, Graves' assistant, who is purportedly working for MI6, is eventually revealed to be the mole within the agency.

#21: Casino Royale (The Remake)

I haven't seen this film, but here is my picture of what I have been told the ending of Casino Royale (the remake) is like - I've got friends in the industry! Jonathan Ross's brother Paul told me it's going to be a no-holds barred action spectacular not to be missed and that I would be on the edge of my seat - not my words guys, the words of television's Paul Ross off of 'No Win No Fee'!

Anyway this is exactly what it looks like. SPOILER WARNING!